Therapy isn’t neutral and that is a good thing. But what does that mean exactly? I’ve had many folks say seeing a therapist is good because you have space to discuss your issues with a “neutral third party”. I’m not saying these folks are completely wrong, but I am bringing in a different perspective for you to think about if you are looking for a therapist (or if you are a therapist reading this for a different perspective).
The first clinical supervisor I had said to me “as a therapist you need to be neutral about the outcome.” I struggled with this statement because I thought to myself “but of course I’m not neutral!” I want to provide services which are helpful and I want my clients to feel better and reach their goals. How I came to understand this statement, for myself, is this process is ultimately about you (the client):
This means I will honor you as the expert of your life, honor that you are the one to make the choices in your life to build a life you want; not what I want. I may be a witness and a guide for a small part of that journey but it is YOUR journey.
This means honoring your goals for therapy. If you come in and say you want to process trauma experiences then that is what we focus on. If you come in and say you want a few sessions to learn about coping skills/strategies for managing test anxiety then that is what we focus on. If you decide during the therapy process you want to change your goals then we change them. This means if you are done with therapy right now and maybe want to work on other issues another time, this is what happens without judgment. This doesn’t mean all this happens without exploration or discussion, but it means I honor your process and your decisions. This means you don’t have to take care of me or worry about how I will react (yes even if you say you are mad at me) as I am not a friend, co-worker or family member.
Okay, so what does it mean to say therapy is not neutral?
I was listening to the podcast, The Modern Therapist’s Survival Guide, where Dr. Travis Heath, PhD, a licensed psychologist and associate professor in Denver Colorado, described how “therapy is a political act”. He shared even if a therapist was able to remain completely neutral (which he doubts is possible), being neutral “is a political position.” Here are some ways I am not neutral as a therapist during the therapy process:
I am not neutral when I reflect the strengths you hold even when you are having a hard time seeing them. I am not neutral when you say you think you are at fault for the interpersonal violence you experienced. Let’s say you blame yourself for the physical and sexual abuse you experienced when you were 5 years old, thinking that you are somehow at fault for this abuse. You are not “bad” for thinking this, but it is important that I challenge this thought because there are reasons survivors of abuse blame themselves and healing sometimes means unpacking this.
I am not neutral when it comes to the impact of oppression on marginalized folks. I will often name it: internalized homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism. As a brief example, I may ask questions to explore the ways in which oppression may play a part in the negative self talk and negative beliefs of self you are describing. When as a BIPOC, a womxn, a trans person, a queer person, a person with a disability you constantly feel like you are not good enough, you are not doing enough, you are a failure if you are not perfect, we may explore how the oppressive messages you receive from a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ageist, and ableist society drive those negative thoughts and feelings.
I am not neutral about my white privilege. I have reaped the benefits of white supremacy, I have caused harm, and I need to continue to do the work of anti-racism and take responsibility for the harm I’ve caused. I may explore privilege with my clients. I will explore the cultural differences in the room with a client to make it clear these issues can be discussed, witnessed, honored and voiced without the therapist becoming defensive (this does NOT mean having the client constantly educate the therapist about their culture). I am not neutral about my trans masculine privilege and I am not neutral about the marginalization I feel as a trans person in the world (whether or not I verbalize this).
I am not neutral when the therapeutic relationship (between therapist and client) is challenged or damaged. Challenges or damage to the therapeutic relationship can happen in many different ways, such as a therapist misunderstanding their client or when a client is hospitalized due to a mental health crisis. I truly want the opportunity to see if repair is possible because I deeply believe in the power of repair in relationships as a therapeutic and healing experience. And if repair is not possible, or at least not possible at the time, I want to support that client in obtaining support elsewhere. I also don’t believe all people need to be in therapy all the time and I recognize therapy is not the only way people can heal.
Lastly, I have empathy for and care about the people I see in therapy. And this is not a neutral position. Therapy isn’t neutral. And that’s a good thing.